SPY EYES

By Zoon Ahmad Khan

Firstly,I would like to assure my own Facebook friends that none of this intends to target an individual. And any resemblance is purely coincidental.
Secondly,this is written as a joke. The tactics mentioned might only be coming naturally to many,but even I have found a few odd and particularly effective.

This applies mostly to the younger generation:students,new internet users etc.
Additions to this list are welcome too!

1. Drop in a casual ‘MashAllah’,‘Alhamdulilah’,‘InshAllah’etc anywhere in your post/comment or status. Even though we don’t always like to admit it,religious expression is appreciated. And for such a post a certain soft corner is created,without even realizing,you and I become twice as likely to respond.
2. Keep responding to your friends’comments. Mostly with a ‘Thankyou’. On many occasions I have noticed that half the comments underneath a photo belong to the person who has posted it:an individual Thankyou to each compliment. Makes little sense. But it is a smart thing to do because with each comment the post pops up in your friends’newsfeeds,and comes in the public eye ever more often.
3. Post anything PTI related. Works wonders. So does Veena Malik.
4. Go global! Post pictures with your first non-desi friends as soon as you get the opportunity to pose in one frame (this applies when you are going abroad to pursue education or an internship).
5. Photo Credits will take you a long way. Tag the friend who took that great (or-not-so-great) pic. Ensures one like at least. But more importantly your fans would rather grant the privilege of appreciation to supposedly selfless people,basically by pretending ‘Oh it’s just a well taken shot!’.
6. Don’t post smart shit.
7. Be generous with liking. Frequent like-ers also become frequent like-ees. Assume a ‘like’to be no different from a compliment you might receive from a friend in their presence. People who don’t find it against their ego to appreciate are also appreciated more frequently themselves.
8. Post pictures with babies if you are of marriageable age. Make sure however that in no way you are looking like the parent. To be on the safe side tag the parents,or describe the photo in an obvious way (my nephew,niece,cousin whatever). Pictures with parents have a similar effect.
9. When engaged,married flaunt it. Even graduation pictures make it big.
10. Use Picasa,or Instagram.

AVOID:

• Going back to a year old well-liked picture (as your profile pic). This could only mean 2 things:you have either admitted defeat in your quest for more likes/ appreciation,OR your current physical appearance is less befitting for admiration. If the latter is true,brave through this phase with dignity. You’d rather not be labeled an insecure freak.
• Avoid letting your emotions flood your wall,allow your mind to act like a barrage. Emotional statuses that only express sorrow without explaining why (please explain ‘why’ONLY IF it is a problem affecting more than your own petty existence) are expired bait. Those ‘Liking’your overbursts are also secretly laughing behind your back.

Courtesy: Area 14/8